| SING A SONG OF SAFETY |
Section: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON, Cover Page Type of story: COVER STORY Source: JESSICA MAYLE, CORRESPONDENT © 2003- Landmark Communications Inc.
WANT TO KNOW MORE? Joseph A. Paluszak has dedicated his life to combating abuse - a word he defines as anything that tears down the human personality instead of building it up. It's a definition he both loves and hates. Paluszak, the founder of Communities Promoting a Safer Society, or COMPASS, loves it because he created it himself. Still, he hates it because it forces him to reflect on his own behaviors. "By that definition, I've abused," he said. "We all have." We've also all been victims of abuse, at one time or another, whether it was as small as teasing that went too far or as severe as sexual assault. Paluszak's definition encompasses all, and with COMPASS, he takes aim at abuse of all kinds. "COMPASS really came down with a full slate of services," he said. COMPASS offers workshops for people of all ages on topics ranging from safety tips for children to the harmful effects of abusive language in the workplace. Paluszak, 54, comes to his sites armed - sometimes with his guitar, and always with a frank attitude about topics that he says society prefers to sweep under the carpet. "Education is the key," the Castleton resident said. "Education is empowerment." When Paluszak went into the ministry in 1979 in Pennsylvania, he learned all too quickly about the crippling effects of sexual abuse on its victims. He counseled people through his church, but he said he wanted to do more to fight the epidemic. In 1995, he resigned the pulpit and moved to Virginia Beach, where he started COMPASS' precursor, a nonprofit group called "Conspiracy of Silence." "That's very descriptive of what society does to this problem," he said. Paluszak refused to be silent about it. Though Conspiracy of Silence had some success, in January Paluszak relaunched the group as COMPAS, with an expanded agenda that tackles all forms of abuse. "We really wanted to put a different kind of spin on it. We wanted to emphasize prevention and take the scariness out of it," said Dawn Matheson, CEO of the Matheson Group and a COMPASS volunteer. Matheson has been working with Paluszak since they met as members of a crisis response team at Ground Zero in New York City in September 2001. Although he can adapt a particular program for a church setting, Paluszak said his workshops have no religious components, making them accessible to any school or workplace. He wants to reach as many people as possible with his message. "Children are not equipped with the skills to identify dangerous situations, and that's where COMPASS comes in," Matheson said.
One of his most popular workshops is "Strong Kids/Safe Kids," an abuse-prevention program aimed at elementary-age children. When he presented the program at Merrimack Recreation Center in Norfolk July 23, he used his guitar for songs interspersed throughout the presentation. Instead of, "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to," Paluszak sang, "It's my body, and I'll say no if I want to." He told the group that there are three types of touches: good touches, bad touches and confusing touches. "A confusing touch is a bad touch in disguise," he said. Paluszak said he relies on age-appropriate dialogue and role-playing to ensure the presentations make an impression on the kids. Don't let strangers get close enough to touch you, he told the children at Merrimack, but if you are abducted, be careful how you choose to draw attention. "If you scream and kick and holler, everyone will think it's a temper tantrum," he said. "If you yell 'stranger!', everyone will know something's wrong." Alyssa Martin, 12, said she had heard the message before, but this time, something was different: the messenger. "I've seen other speakers, like police officers," she said. "The cops I've seen, they don't sing."
COMPASS does more than just empower individuals to prevent abuse, Paluszak said. With his Mandated Reporter training session, he offers instruction on how to protect others. According to Virginia law, all volunteers and employees who work with children in any capacity are mandated reporters, which means they are required to report to police any suspected or disclosed child abuse. This is an especially big problem in churches, he said, many of which simply refuse to acknowledge abuse problems. "The symptoms are right there, but people aren't trained to identify them," Paluszak said. Matheson said COMPASS's training is important because many people are ignorant of the requirement. She was a Sunday school teacher for eight years, she said, and never knew she was a mandated reporter. "People think they shouldn't say anything, that they'll ruin somebody's life if they're wrong," Paluszak said.
But when it comes to abuse, it's better to be safe than sorry, Paluszak said. When he presented the training at the Coastlands Foursquare Church in Chesapeake on July 26, he advised volunteers and employees to be patient and sympathetic if a child disclosed that he or she had been abused. "Children don't have the communication skills that adults have," he said. "They need a safe place that they can vent." Failing to report disclosed abuse indirectly assists the child abuser, Paluszak said, and leaves the church and denomination vulnerable to a potentially crippling lawsuit the victim could file later. Even if a supervisor chooses not to file a report, Paluszak encouraged those in attendance to follow up on their own. "The law may not require you to report if your supervisor doesn't, but I believe God does," he said. "We are answerable to a higher authority." Darlene Lemmons, an Alexandria resident, works with 3- and 4-year-olds at Coastlands' Sunday school. She said the program, in addition to giving her a new perspective on abuse from the victim's perspective, educated her on the law, "I didn't know you could be held liable, but I knew that we needed it," she said. "It's very easy to stay silent. Everybody needs to know." Senior Pastor Durant Kreider said the COMPASS program was required for Coastlands' children's workers; it was videotaped for those who couldn't make it that day. He brought Paluszak in because he knew the issue had to be addressed, even if some in the church "don't want to deal with it." "I thought he handled a delicate situation very well," Kreider said. "It's not about making people feel uncomfortable. It's about making parents feel comforted that the church is safe."
Right now, COMPASS is small - just one man on a mission. "I get enough feedback to keep me motivated," Paluszak said. But he has a vision for the organization's expansion. With more corporate sponsorships and volunteer support, he hopes to become a director of training so others can deliver his workshops and message of abuse prevention. "It can expand," Paluszak said. "Obviously, the epidemic is so big that one person isn't enough." But for now, it's a start. His definition is far-reaching, but Paluszak constantly reiterates that when abuse does happen - when the human personality is torn down instead of built up - it is never the fault of the victim. "The first step in getting help is asking for help," he said. "It's also the hardest step." WANT TO KNOW MORE? Description of illustration(s): Joe Paluszak, founder of COMPASS, play acts with Destiny Greene barbara j. woerner / the virginian-pilot -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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