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Several months ago I read an article in Guideposts magazine about a family
that went through the trauma of one of their sons getting sucked up into
a cult. The article gave two primary danger signals of a cult: (1.) They
demand unquestioning acceptance of all that they teach, say, and do, and
(2.) They seek absolute control over their members. Hold that thought as
we look at another article in Guideposts, Lord, Keep Her From Harm, in
the May 1999 issue. It tells of a family whose daughter, Jenny, got caught
up in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend.
The first thing I noticed was that Matt was 19 years old, Jenny was
15. A man dating someone four years younger is a small matter when the
couple is in their late 20's or older. However a teen male dating
a girl several years younger than him is a cause for concern. It is usually
indicative that he is insecure and intimidated by girls his own age.
Now let's look at the demands that Matt placed on Jenny as their
relationship evolved. He walked her to all her classes, and showed up
at her job whenever she was on break. "He never wants to be away
from me," Jenny explained.
She dropped all of her extracurricular activities at school. Why? "Matt
thinks I'm not spending enough time with him"
Another glaring danger signal is social isolation that allows for no
relational development with others. He even hated the fact that Jenny
loved her parents.
Jenny stopped wearing makeup and styling her hair. Why? "Matt prefers
it this way."
Her mother found a pair of Jenny's shorts shredded and cut into
strips. Her daughter's explanation? "Matt doesn't want
me to wear shorts any more. He thinks guys might get the wrong idea.
Maybe he's right."
Excessive jealousy. The danger signals were literally leaping off the
pages at me.
And then it hit me; the three primary danger signals for a cult are
the same three primary danger signals of an abusive relationship. A cult
wants unquestioning acceptance of everything they say, do, and teach,
they isolate their members, and they take away their freedom of choice.
In like manner, the abuser demands unquestioning acceptance of all that
they say or do, they isolate their victim, and they seek to take away
their freedom of choice.
I teach a comprehensive list of 35 danger signals of an abusive relationship,
but they are summed up with these three. I pray this helps.
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